The Reality of Caregiving-
No one really knows what it is like to be a caregiver unless you have done it full time. People try to pretend and put a positive front on it. But the reality is it is an extremely difficult thing. It is the Constant the 24 hrs always having to watch after them. A part of you is always watching, protecting, nonstop.
Living with an Alzheimer's person is like living with a crazy five year old. It instantly made me a single mother with no experience, no help, and no finances to cover loss of my income. There is money to pay others part time, but caregivers learn in about every way they are on their own. I didn't have mothering experience before I began because I could not have children.
Each day is a constant wandering the house, talking nonstop, tapping, getting in your face, talking to people not there. It is the constant, the nonstop, the always having to be with them and caring which takes it's toll.
Being a painter I try to escape within my own mind painting or sculpting, while part of me always keeps watch; To protect, to love, to nurture. Painting is difficult, the coming up and tapping on the canvas, pushing the canvas, standing behind me and tapping me on the back, the walking back and forth and back and forth right beside me. The talking, yes the talking for hours nonstop to people who aren't there. One tries to shut it out, till one begins to wonder about their own sanity. Thinking why can't I just ignore it, just relax, just let go. But it is the constant, the noise, the care, the constant, the constant, the talking, and talking, and talking, over and over and over, the walking back and forth, and back and forth, and talking , and tapping, the talking, the noise, who are you, are you listening to me, what do you want, life isn't like it use to be, the constant, the unhappiness, the crazy, the insanity of it all. And it goes on year after year, day after day, hour upon year. Until you look in the mirror and no longer even recognize yourself.. You are suppose to care, suppose to protect, suppose to love, suppose to be family, have family, you are suppose to take care.... Be the care giver...... And without you she has no one.....you are the Caregiver. There is no one but you. And really not even a you anymore. The insanity of it all..... Life with Alzheimer's.
This is the reality millions face now with Alzheimer's and the caregivers who are going to have to care for their parent, their wife, their husband, their family. Be strong because you will be on your own, and your strength is what will help them through.
